Hair today, gone tomorrow

The problem with the Liberals is their complete absence of a cohesive policy on facial hair change. In fact, almost all politicians seem a bit light on in the moustachio stakes, apart from good old Mike Kelly of one time Eden Monaro fame and perhaps the Deputy PM after a heavy night out with Kev and Wayne at Fyshwick Hooters. If only they knew what intelligence, diplomacy and power a mo gives you. If Malcolm Turnbull had one attached to his smug mug his whole “I am the leader” routine would have sincere credibility. Joe Hockey wouldn’t be big cuddly Joe, but big cuddly butch and manly Joe, and Tony Abbott would look even scarier in his budgie smugglers on Manly Beach. All this mayhem could have so easily been avoided through lack of shaving.

Take climate change, for instance, or a Carbon Reduction Programatic Scheme Resolution Policy Program Initiative. It’s simple really… as Neil and Ben worked out in a five minute mo-stroking session.



Neil has a small box of Super Kev strength carbon while Ben has a big box of unstable, Liberal brand carbon. Neil trades small carbon which is of equal environmental footprint (on the British wellie size measurement scale) to Ben’s big box of scary carbon. Carbon trading done. Business over, and time for admiring each others’ facial fun instead.



Jason meanwhile just promises to reduce some of his lethal emissions...

All easy peasy, you think, but sometimes it’s only after a deal is done that you realise what you have signed up to. It turns out that apparently scientists have discovered that the mighty moustache is a serious polluter itself (bear with me here). So they say, the foodstuffs and minerals which find themselves easily attached to one’s mo calcify and result in large clumps of carbon dioxide emitting super-polluters. Without having time to have a snooze in the Senate, er I mean, anally deliberate over every single word in the Carbon Reduction whatsit something or other, we missed this point, and it turns out that mos, for now, are no longer in fashion. Bloody greeny hippies!



Amazingly and fortuitously, this coincides with the month of December and, for 2009, Movember is over yet again. Just because it’s December doesn’t mean that you can’t sponsor us anymore. Do you know why? Because men get diagnosed with prostate cancer every day of every month. Depression and suicide happens throughout the year. And we need all the help we can get. Please follow links to sponsor us, or simply thank us for being mildly amused, on the right hand side of this page.